A journey of finding, rejecting, and rediscovering my calling

GOD PATIENTLY TEACHES.

(This is a warrior angel character that I made based on the Ephesians 6 passage on the armor of God. I first drew her for a high school art class project, but this version of her I drew at a conference at the beginning of my first year in Twenty-Four Seven.)

God has always been leading me into what He has for me; specifically I want to talk about a purpose. Growing up I loved watching anime and dreamt of becoming a cartoon artist. Constantly, I practiced drawing random cartoons or things that I could see. As I got older, I trained to perfect my skill through classes at a private art studio, various competitions, and a lot of practice. Everywhere I went, godly friends and family spoke life into my dream, encouraging me to never give up. I frequently heard messages on how people shouldn’t bury God-given talents, but use those gifts to glorify and worship Him instead. However, around middle school, things started changing.

Greater talent in others became increasingly evident to me. Their skill intimidated me, and impatience started to turn me away from drawing; I wanted to be at a higher level without the years of experience, practice, and lessons. Slowly, insecurity about my artistic ability grew. After I refused compliments about my artwork, discounted other artists, and lost confidence in my blessing, the amount of time I spent drawing dwindled. Reasoning “there are people better than me, so why should I bother?” I proceeded to make excuses to justify quitting, like “artists don’t get paid well, and I don’t want an impractical job.” I even blamed others for making me stop!

(I made this water-color Jesus portrait for a young adults Christian ministry art competition. I wanted Him to be hidden like parchment stains with the overlaying words having an impact before noticing the subtlety of His face. It says "I am ... [with His different names and descriptions found in the Bible] ... Indescribable.")

This year the girls of Twenty-Four Seven are redoing a book study called So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. In chapter 7 of her book, Mrs. Moore talks about how insecurity can negatively change us. One passage especially spoke to me after rereading it; this section talked about how insecurity can turn gifted people into competition. After reading that part of the chapter again, I realized that this exact thing happened to me. Instead of celebrating with others God’s greatness and generosity for giving us all special talents, I allowed a spirit of insecurity to convince me that I had no talent and should stop drawing. Now, however, I can crush the enemy under my feet! God has taught me this year about what He wants me to do, how I can use art in ministry, and why being MY best pleases Him more than trying in vain to be THE best. Learning this lesson took longer than necessary, but now I can boldly regain ground and push even further in my drawing without fearing the judgments of others or myself.